Strawberries and Daisies
by Ahmiri
Summary: If he had only known sooner. If he had only realized the mistake he'd made in believing Akito. Tohru wasn't his mother-figure, but it was too late for him. She was already marrying Kyo. Yukiru
1. Part I: Strawberries

**Okay, so originally this song-fic was going to be a stand alone, but then I thought, "What if this happened...?" and ended up writing the second half. This one is "Strawberries" and the second is "Daisies". It'll make sense when you read it. The second is not a song-fic but go with me here, okay? Also the style with which I wrote is a little different between the two. I have two different styles that I use depending on the type of story. *sigh* I hope you enjoy them anyway.**

**Note: Part I covers one of the theories that I have about Yukiru according to the manga. Does everyone remember when everyone went to the beach house and Akito decided to show up? And then suggested to Yuki that he thought of Tohru as a mother? Yeah, that's all kind of important. Machi is not included in this story simply because I don't have enough time. I have theories about her as well.**

**Disclaimer: Song (What Hurts The Most *yeah, over-used, I know*) copyright goes to Rascall Flatts and Cascada. I really don't know who wrote it, but they both have done the song, so... I do not own Fruits Basket or its characters. All copyright goes to Natsuki Takaya and I make no profit from this work. Yeah, I mean seriously, I'm only twisting her characters to my own selfish desires... My life is sad. Hopefully at least some people can take joy from my humble offerings.**

_I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house_

_That don't bother me_

_I can take a few tears now and then and just let 'em out_

_I'm not afraid to cry every once in while_

_Even though going on with you gone still upsets me_

_There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay_

_But that's not what gets me_

OoOoO

Yuki lifted his face to the rain as it poured down in the middle of the night. He shivered but didn't go back inside. There was no one there, specifically _she_ wasn't there. He was as far away from her as he had ever been and then some.

Tohru.

It was too late for him now. He'd waited too long to realize the truth about how he felt about her. And now he was, back home from college to attend her wedding.

"Yuki-kun!" Shigure's voice startled him, and he straightened to see his cousin standing not far away, obviously on his way inside, an umbrella held over his head. "What are you doing outside in weather as terribly depressing as this?"

Yuki didn't say anything a moment, glad that the rain soaking his hair and running down his face hid the tears. After he gained enough composure he said, "I thought you were with Akito."

"I forgot something I meant to bring for her, so I came back for it. But that doesn't dismiss that you are painting a lonely picture in my front yard." Shigure waved a finger at him. "Haa-san wouldn't want you out in this weather."

Yuki regarded him silently for the space of a second. "I won't be out long. Just do what you came to do and go back to Akito."

Shigure told Yuki not to traipse water through his house and then went in himself.

Yuki closed his eyes and felt the rain pelt his face once more. "Honda-san… Tohru," he whispered. "I love you." His words, once more, went unheard.

OoOoO

_What hurts the most was being so close_

_And having so much say and watching you walk away_

_And never knowing what could have been_

_And not seeing that loving you is what I was trying to do_

OoOoO

When the reception finally came to a close, Yuki had yet to say what he'd really wanted to say to the bride. He never would, he knew. He'd been watching Tohru all night, and he wouldn't dream of ruining her happiness.

How was it that Kyo could make her smile like that and he couldn't? What had he done wrong over the years? He knew what it had been; he'd taken the love he felt for her as a desire for her to be some form of a mother figure, and because of that she'd grown farther apart from him in a romantic sense. How wrong he'd been.

Akito had been the first to openly suggest it to him. And like all her other words, he'd taken it to heart. Mulled over it. Turned it around and around inside his mind until he believed it to be the truth. He wouldn't deny that a mother's love was something he severely lacked, but with the breaking of the curse the grip of everything Akito had ever told him loosened and fell away.

It had him left raw and unsure of where to go next. He'd realized, though, that although some of what he'd looked for in Tohru had been a mother, there had been something much more as well. Something deeper. All that time he'd been trying to convince himself to see her as a mother, he'd been trying to love her as something else too.

"Oh! Here you are, Yuki-kun!" Tohru smiled and came toward him. "It's almost time for Kyo and I to go. We don't want to miss the flight."

She'd been looking for him? He hadn't been hiding, although he wasn't exactly easy to find either. He'd found a place to watch the reception in shadow after a while, finding it hard to fully participate without letting too much show. He said, "I hope you make it there all right."

"I'm sure we will." There was a silence between them until she broke it. "I never thanked you for coming, but it does mean a lot to me that you came back for the wedding. Thank you."

"It would have been rude not to. Besides, you're important to me." It was a small fraction of what he felt, but she was already gone anyway. To tell her now wouldn't do anything but ruin what they had left. She'd already slipped through his fingers.

Tohru glanced at a nearby clock. "I have to go. Take care, Yuki-kun. I'll call you when we get back next month, okay?"

Yuki nodded, feeling numb, even though he still somehow kept smiling for her sake.

"Oh, yes. The last time we said goodbye, I forgot something." Tohru quickly wrapped her arms around him, taking Yuki by surprise. "You're important to me too, Yuki-kun."

They'd never hugged before. Yuki had seen her hug nearly all the other ex-members of the Jyuunshi, but had always seemed to miss the opportunity himself. Now, he held her close, knowing that if he had only realized sooner what she really meant to him things might have been different and he would have been the first she embraced after the curse lifted and not the last.

She stepped back, said goodbye, and left. She was gone.

OoOoO

_It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go_

_But I'm doing it_

_It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone_

_Still harder; getting up, getting dressed, living with this regret_

_But I know if I could do it over, I would trade, give away_

_All the words that I saved_

_That I left unspoken_

OoOoO

Yuki traced the lines of the table absently. He could hear Haru and Rin's conversation but he wasn't really listening. His mind was elsewhere. At the wedding last week, and in Paris. Right now, he knew that he was the last thing on Tohru's mind even though she was the first thing on his.

Rin's voice snapped at him, "What the hell? Didn't you hear me?"

Yuki looked up at her. She was nestled in the crook of Haru's arm and the first thing Yuki thought of was what it might be like to have his arm around Tohru that way.

"You haven't heard a word, have you?" Haru asked.

"No, sorry." Truthfully, Yuki was feeling lonely. As if he was standing in a room full of people, all of them paired off, and he was the only one who was standing by himself. Haru and Rin were a couple. Hiro and Kisa were. Shigure and Akito. Hatori and Mayu were looking promising. Ayame and Mine. Uotani and Kureno. Hanajima and Kazuma. Kagura had met some one recently and Momiji was spending time with Momo, absorbing it happily, although they weren't together romantically, of course.

Kyo and Tohru were in Paris on their honeymoon.

He was alone. The only one.

Haru was giving him a strange look and Yuki quickly put on smile. "I just didn't get enough sleep last night is all. What were you saying, Rin?"

"Nothing. It doesn't matter anymore." She gave him an appraising look. "You do seem out of it, though."

"It's nothing," he lied. It wasn't nothing. It was something that was tearing him apart piece by piece until there wasn't anything left.

If he hadn't been a morning person before, he was even less so now. He'd grown used to not having Tohru's meals while he was at college and now that he was back home for a few weeks he didn't want the reminder that she was lost to him when he came downstairs to take-out breakfast. But that was really only part of it. He didn't know how to move on from something that he'd been blind to for so long.

All the feelings he had seemed too fresh to simply just dismiss. He couldn't send them away. And yet there was no place for them to stay either; they hung in the air without purpose or meaning. Every day the thought that Tohru was so far out of his reach utterly destroyed him. He couldn't make himself wake up each morning and face it, knowing that dreams were much kinder than real life ever could be.

OoOoO

_What hurts the most is being so close _

_And having so much to say_

_And watching you walk away_

_And never knowing what could have been_

_And not seeing that loving you is what I was trying to do._

OoOoO

Yuki stared at the overgrown garden that he and Tohru had once worked on together. Weeds had choked vegetables that had once thrived under her gentle care. They looked similar to how he felt. Choked and dying.

He hadn't gardened since he'd left, and now he got down and cleared all the weeds away from one strawberry plant, loosening the earth around with his fingers for lack of tools. It needed water, but he didn't want to go get any and it was due to rain again anyhow.

He sat and stared at the small bush not caring if he got dirty. Mercifully, he'd be leaving this place for college the next day. He wouldn't have to be somewhere that was so filled with _her_ that he couldn't breathe. He felt like a child staring through the glass at an item they'd saved months to purchase only to see not only had the price gone up but some one else had it reserved.

Once he left he wouldn't see everything that reminded him of her, and he might be able to let go. He knew he had to, because if he didn't he wasn't sure what would become of him. He might stay the shell of person that he'd been for the last few days.

Yuki took out the carefully sealed envelope he'd brought with him. Inside was a letter he'd written to Tohru the previous night. Pages long and full of all the things he'd kept to himself that he would never dream of telling her. Without a shovel, he couldn't dig very deep but he dug just deep enough to bury it there in the garden. It had been their place and it seemed fitting to try and leave all of his feelings there.

Pressing the soil down firmly, he sat back on his heels. "I love you, Honda-san," he whispered. It would the last time he'd ever say it, he promised himself before getting up and walking away.

One half dead strawberry bush stood guard over all of the emotions he'd buried beneath it.

**So I hope you enjoyed it! maybe you cried? Or just hated it? Whatever your feelings please review and tell me! I live for reviews and will send you a PM in thanks. I beg you to review Part I before reading Part II! I know that (hopefully) you want to read the second part right away, but it only takes a minute to type out a review. Please? Or even come back and review this separately later? *pouts* I put my hope in you!**


	2. Part II: Daisies

**You're still here! That's exciting! Now for a sneak peek at a work in progress. Sometime in the future my sister and I will post an co-authored AU Fruits Basket. We've begun work on it this week and so far its going quite well, I think. It's Fruits Basket and Yukiru in Edo (1800s; you know in the time of the Shinsengumi and Choshu. A little before Rurouni Kenshin if you're familiar with that.) Fluffies shall abound! So put SeiSojiFan421 on Author Alert if you really want to know when it'll start its post run (we're posting it under her name). Expect it within a few months or earlier. Before the summer's out if we're lucky.**

**A translation that will come in handy: _Je t'aime du fond de mon couer_ is French for _I love you from the bottom of my heart_. Or so I'm told. All I recognize in there is the word for 'heart', but at least now you know what I hope it means.**

**Disclaimer: Once again, I don't own Fruits Basket or its characters and all copyright goes to Natsuki Takaya.**

~Eight years later~

Tohru idly wandered through the woods behind Shigure's house. Well, what used to be Shigure's house. He didn't live there anymore. No one did. She and Kyo were back in the area and while he was busy she was reminiscing over the past.

She blinked when she stumbled over what looked like a patch of weeds. "Oh! It's Yuki-kun's secret base!" She was happy to find something familiar, although not at all as she'd left it. One strawberry bush remained and the rest seemed to have been choked out.

She didn't have much time, but she knew that wouldn't leave without taking some sort of care for it. She hadn't seen Yuki in years but she knew he was doing well. He'd graduated college, obviously, and now he worked internationally for a Japanese company and wasn't home most of the time. She'd missed him over the years, but standing in their garden made her wish that he would show up and say something about needing to clean out the secret base so they could plant new seeds.

Inspired, Tohru knelt down and began weeding around the one remaining strawberry bush. Poor thing. Trying so hard to survive in a place where it was a struggle against the weeds to get the sunlight and water it needed. Her fingers brushed against something crisp.

She looked down. Paper? No, an envelope. What was it doing here? She picked it up, letting the dirt tumble away.

It… It had her name on it! But why was it buried? She opened it and pulled out five sheets of paper covered in Yuki's crisp and neat handwriting. Why had he buried it? _When_ had he buried it?

Not sure what to expect, she started to read. At first it seemed like normal things but then what was written shocked her. He had loved her? Yuki had loved her? Despite feeling like she was reading something that was meant to be private, she kept going.

Ten minutes later, Tohru could only stare at the last lines, tears in her eyes. _"I don't know what to do anymore, Tohru. I don't. When I see you with Kyo it hurts more than I thought possible. But I want you to be happy. As long as you're happy, I can deal with this pain. You'll never read this, I know, but if you do, promise me that you'll stay happy. That's all I want is for you to be happy and keep smiling even if it's not for me._

_"You probably won't see me very often, because I know it will be easier if I don't see you. I'm sorry, Tohru, please forgive me. I know I'm being selfish, there isn't any other way. Forgive me. I love you."_

What could she do? He'd been in so much pain and she hadn't even known! She couldn't leave Kyo; she'd never leave him. She wanted to help, but she didn't know how.

OoOoO

After she got home, the first thing she did was call him on his cell phone. Just as his letter had said, she hardly saw him and he was rarely even in Japan, but his cell phone was always a sure way to reach him.

"Moshi-moshi," he answered, his voice sounding dull and colorless. He'd never exactly sounded cheerful, but he hadn't ever sounded quite like this. "Sohma Yuki speaking."

"Yuki-kun, it's Tohru."

The response was immediate, his voice suddenly sounding much more like she remembered and more bright than before. "Honda-san, how are you?"

Tohru didn't remind him that she was 'Sohma-san' now and not 'Honda-san'. And somehow, the idea of him calling her anything but 'Honda-san' was slightly strange. "I'm doing very well." Remembering what he'd said in the letter, she added, "I'm happy."

"As long as you're happy," he said.

There was a brief silence before Tohru asked the question she'd called to ask him. "Are you in Japan? Or will you be anytime soon?"

"I'm in Germany actually, Honda-san."

"Oh," she couldn't keep the disappointment out of her tone.

Perhaps in response to the sadness in her voice he quickly said, "But I'm going to be in Tokyo tomorrow. I, uh—" There was a commotion on the other side that sounded like he was searching in his desk for something. It seemed to Tohru that he was only saying this on the spur of the moment.

Yuki suddenly came back to the phone. "I have a flight tonight."

"If it's not too much trouble, I'd like to have dinner with you while you're here," Tohru said hesitantly.

There was a silence and Tohru worried that she'd said the wrong thing. Finally he spoke again. "What about Kyo? I don't think he'd appreciate his wife having dinner with me."

"But you're my friend; I'm sure he won't mind." Actually, she was fairly certain that he would mind, but she wanted to talk to Yuki.

"I'll call you tomorrow, then?"

"Yes, tomorrow."

OoOoO

Tohru sat in the restaurant, waiting for Yuki. It was two days after her phone call to him; they'd postponed the dinner until the day after he got to Tokyo so that he wouldn't have too much jet lag. His letter was in her purse, and she dearly hoped that she wasn't making a mistake that could end up hurting him. What if he still felt same way he had when he'd written the letter? If he did, then—

"Honda-san?"

Tohru jumped at the sound of Yuki's voice. When had he gotten there? She stood up, not letting herself think before giving him a long hug. "I missed you, Yuki-kun," she said, stepping back. He looked different somehow. Older, for sure, but also drained and worn out. Not in the sense that he was tired, but like he'd taken all he could.

"I'm so glad you could come, Yuki-kun," she said, sitting down.

Yuki sat across from her, glancing over the menu, not quite looking at her. "I'm sorry I haven't been home."

"You've been busy." Tohru smiled. "Where all have you been?"

Yuki set down the menu, finally looking at her. "Everywhere, it seems. Right now, it's nice being able to speak Japanese without people looking at me as if it's all gibberish."

Tohru laughed a little, but quickly hid it behind her hand. "I'm sorry. "

"No, it's fine. It is humorous, I suppose."

The waiter came to take their order, writing down their requests on his notepad before leaving them.

"You've seen so much, and I've only ever seen a little of France—" She stopped, realizing that he probably didn't want to know anything about her trip to France. "Can you speak French now?"

The abrupt change of subject didn't go unnoticed, but Yuki answered her as if nothing had happened. "And English, Spanish, and I'm working on my German."

"That's so many! How do you keep track of them all?"

"Each time you learn a new language it gets easier. I'm not fluent by any means in any of them."

Tohru couldn't help but ask if he could say something for her. Yuki looked thoughtful for a moment and then said, "Je t'aime du fond de mon couer."

Tohru's eyes widened. "What does it mean?"

"Nothing important." Yuki suddenly looked down, once again not meeting her eyes.

What had happened to him? The Yuki sitting in front of her was completely different from the Yuki she'd known before. If she told him about the letter, would it only make it worse? "Yuki-kun, there's something I found recently."

"What do you mean?"

Tohru took out her purse, opening the clasp. When she slid the envelope across the table to him he froze. "H- Honda-san? Did you read this?"

She nodded.

"I'm sorry," he said quickly. "It… it was a long time ago. I didn't mean for you to find it."

"No, Yuki-kun, I'm sorry. I didn't even know you felt that way." She paused. "Do you still feel that way?"

"You're married, Honda-san. It doesn't matter anymore." His voice was quiet.

Tohru folded her hands in her lap. "It makes sense now. I mean, wh- why you left."

"Honda-san, please don't." Yuki leaned forward, burying his face in one hand. "I can't do this."

Then he did still feel the same way, even after all these years. What was it doing to him for him to be sitting here talking with her? If it had hurt to look at her when he'd written that letter, then what was he feeling now?

"I'm sorry," she said in a barely audible voice. She waited, watching until he returned to himself a little more. "I just thought that maybe you'd want it back."

"It isn't mine," he said, still not looking at her and not even reaching out to touch it. "If you want it you can have it. Otherwise, it belongs in the ground."

"But these are your personal feelings! I can't keep them like that and I'd hate to bury them again."

Yuki looked up at her, and the moment she saw the pain in his eyes she hated herself for asking to see him. For telling him that she'd found his letter. She hadn't even thought that it would hurt him this way, and now here she was unintentionally twisting the knife in even further.

"Honda-san, I buried that for a reason. It didn't work and nothing's changed." He looked so angry with himself and yet still it was the sadness that she saw most of all. "You've read it. You know that I didn't want to ruin your happiness by telling you any of this. Forget what you know. It's not important anymore; I'm always too late for things like this."

Their food came while Tohru was busy fighting away tears. She didn't want this! He was in emotional pain because of her and he had been for so long without her realizing it.

"You… you are happy, aren't you?" Yuki hadn't touched his food yet, in fact he didn't look like he was going to either.

"Yes, I'm happy."

Yuki began eating, a contemplative look on his face. "That's all I need, really. As long as you're happy, I'll be fine."

He didn't look fine, though. She had unintentionally destroyed him. He hardly seemed like himself anymore.

By the end of their meal, the letter still lay on the table between them. Yuki insisted that he pay, and Tohru didn't argue, letting him do something for her like the letter had said he enjoyed doing. "Yuki-kun, I think you should take it." Tohru gestured to the letter. "They're your personal emotions and that makes them precious. You should have them, not me."

"I'll only bury them again," he said.

When he did bury them, she hoped that what awaited him there would make him happy. She'd worked all day yesterday on it, and if he would smile just a little upon seeing it, she'd feel better. "I know. As long as you do it at the secret base."

Reluctantly, Yuki took the envelope from the table. "I don't know of a better place, anyway."

As they stood, Tohru couldn't help but give him another hug and she felt a little more at peace with herself when Yuki returned the embrace.

"Yuki-kun," she said, still wrapped in his arms. "Do you know the kind of flower that's always happy, and will always be there? It always comes back no matter what. It can even kill weeds."

"Is that supposed to be a riddle?" Yuki stepped away from her, his face amused. A step up from the hurt and pained face he'd been trying to hide all evening.

"No, not really. I just know I can't be what you want me to be, but I can be a daisy."

Yuki stared at her, confused. "What?"

"I'll be your daisy. Because you're a very important person to me, Yuki-kun. You are. You have a place in my heart that will always be yours."

"Thank you, Honda-san."

OoOoO

The next day, Yuki stared in wonder at his old garden. He'd come prepared to bury his feelings again, but he couldn't bear to dig a single hole the small piece of earth.

Covering every square inch of the secret base were white daisies, gently blowing in the wind.

***cries* It's probably just me crying, but if you did I want to hear about it! I've already begged for reviews in Part I so you know how I feel about them. Remember all that? *winks* Review!**


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